Friday, July 4, 2008

Anglican Archbishop joins criticism of WYD laws

Anglican Primate of Australia Dr Phillip Aspinall has joined criticism of the New South Wales Government's laws to protect Catholic World Youth Day events.

The regulations empower police to stop and fine people who engage in conduct that causes annoyance or inconvenience to Catholic pilgrims during the week-long event.

Those who do not comply face a fine of $5,500.

Those at risk of being fined include Cityrail if pilgrim's trains are running late, Taxi drivers if they get pilgrims lost, dodgy kebab shop owners if they give pilgrims the runs, priests if they don't use lube and God if he makes it rain.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

DNA evidence frees inmate after 20 years on death row

A 46-year old US inmate who languished on death row for more than 20 years has been freed after DNA tests called into question his murder conviction.

Paul Gregory House was sentenced to death in 1986 for the rape and murder of Carolyne Muncey, a housewife and mother in the southern state of Tennessee.

DNA testing was not available at the time of the crime, but genetic tests performed since his conviction failed to determine conclusively that House was the perpetrator of the crime.

The DNA testing has also shown that he is not the father of his 16 children and that he should probably change his name to Pauline.

Plasma, LCDs blamed for accelerating global warming

A gas used in the making of flat screen televisions, nitrogen trifluoride (NF3), is being blamed for damaging the atmosphere and accelerating global warming.

Almost half of the televisions sold around the globe so far this year have been plasma or LCD TVs.

Experts say the increase in demand has been caused by consumer's desire to watch Al Gore's 'An Inconvenient Truth' in wide screen.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

US to take Mandela off terror list

The US Senate has approved a bill to remove former South African president Nelson Mandela from the US terror watch list, lawmakers said.

President George W Bush stated that he his cautiously pleased with the decision because it means those resources allocated to tracking and monitoring the frail 90 year old 'terrorist-no-more' can now finally be assigned to tracking down Osama Bin Laden.

"That's one less wheel on the axis of evil," said the President, "but fortunately we carry a heap of spares in the boot!"

Friday, June 27, 2008

Afghanistan drug trade hits $4 billion a year

AFGHAN opium poppy cultivation grew 17% last year, according to the 2008 World Drug Report, released by the United Nations.

The opium trade has soared since the 2001 overthrow of the Taliban, which had eradicated almost all of the country's opium poppies. The proceeds from the illicit trade which was planted in the '70s by the CIA to help finance the Taliban's fight against Russian invasion is now helping finance a resurgent Taliban's fight against US invasion.

CIA Director General Michael Hayden said in a statement today " how were we to know that if we gave one of the worlds poorest nations a means to make heaps of money that they would actually use it to make heaps of money."

Supreme Court Rules American Citizens Have Right to Own Guns

On Thursday, the United States Supreme Court issued a historic ruling on the right of Americans to own guns. The nation's highest court ruled that the United States Constitution protects the rights of individuals to own handguns for self-defense in their homes. Five justices supported the decision. Four opposed it.

President George W Bush said he welcomes the decision stating " we have a saying in Texas, who needs a edumacation and readin stuff when you can have a gun!"

Experts predict the move will lead to an increase in gun related crime, drugs, car jackings and even more hip hop and rap artists.

Critics claim there is an alternate motive for the new ruling claiming that a mix of guns and the worlds stupidest nation can only help to increase the country's average IQ.

Thirty false killer whales beached in Thailand

Thirty false killer whales swam ashore on a beach near the Thai resort isle of Phuket, but local residents and hotel staff saved all but one of them, a marine official said.

Residents and hotel staff rushed out to carry them back into the rough seas, he said.

Scientists were not sure why the whales swam themselves ashore.

In other news today, Japanese scientists claim to be close to solving the riddle of why false killer whales have a tendency to beach themselves after managing to harpoon 29 more specimens off the coast of Thailand today.