Pigeons smuggle drugs, phones into Rio prison

A sharp increase in drugs and mobile phones found inside a Brazilian prison mystified officials - until guards spotted some distressed pigeons struggling to stay airborne.

Inmates at the prison in Marilia, Sao Paulo state, had been training carrier pigeons to smuggle in goods using cell phone sized pouches on their backs, a low-tech but ingenious way of skipping the high-tech security that visitors faced.

The ingenious plan was finally foiled when a number visitors to the prison, after being subjected to cavity searches were found to be concealing several carrier pigeons up their asses.

Software tycoon opens the gates to a life of philanthropy

He was the nerd who exacted the ultimate revenge, building the biggest fortune in history and on the way changing the world.

Now Bill Gates has handed over control of computing giant Microsoft to devote the rest of his life to giving his money away.

Mr Gates spent three decades amassing the biggest fortune in business history. His personal wealth of $58 billion is enough to give about $10 to every man, woman and child on the planet.

Mr Gates has said that each dollar he gives away will come with a unique product key that you will need need to register before it can be spent, and that you will only be able to spend the money on Microsoft compatible products.

Pirated copies of his money are already available for download from various BitTorrent websites.

N Korea set to blow up nuke plant on TV

Secretive North Korea is preparing a global TV spectacular to dramatise its commitment to scrapping nuclear weapons, as world powers gave a wary welcome to its disclosure of some atomic secrets.

The communist state is set to blow up the cooling tower at the plutonium-producing Yongbyon complex - the most visible symbol of a decades-old pursuit of nuclear bombs.

In an effort to win over western TV audiences North Korean officials plan to stuff the cooling tower with B grade celebrities who will be set challenges to escape the impending explosion. The show will be call "I'm a celebrity, get me out of this North Korean nuclear plant before they blow the crap out of it."

Viewers will have the opportunity to vote to have their least favourite celebrities stay in the cooling tower.

Uruguay claims natural gas discovery

Uruguay says it has discovered a large natural gas field off its Atlantic coast that could potentially transform the country from an importer to an exporter of the fuel.

The announcement of the possible find was made by President Tabare Vazquez on his official website.

An announcement on the official website of US President George W Bush followed shortly after stating that Uruguay is now part of the US's 'Axis of Evil', is harbouring terrorists and will be invaded by US and allied troops within 48 hours.

Bush welcomes N Korea nuclear move

US President George W Bush has warily welcomed North Korea's nuclear accounting, easing trade sanctions and moving to take the "axis of evil" nation off a US terrorism blacklist.

Following North Koreas provision of a partial accounting of it's nuclear activities to China a North Korean spokesperson said " our ultimate goal remains clear: A stable and peaceful Korean Peninsula, where people are free from oppression, free from hunger and disease and free from nuclear weapons,"

US President George W Bush, talking at a press conference on the front lawn of the White House said, "I'm please to see North Korea step up to the steps to step over that which needs to be stepped, this move will allow a lifting of sanctions pathing the way for organisations such as the International Monetary Fund and World Bank to move in and loan tonnes of money tied to ridiculous conditions and interest rates which will surely result in a destabalized and chaotic Korean Peninsula, where the people suffer further oppression, immense hunger and disease and a prolifferation of US made nuclear weapons."

Japan insists scientific whaling produces results

Japan has defended its practice of 'scientific' whale hunting at the annual International Whaling Commission (IWC) meeting in Chile, insisting it had yielded important scientific results.

Officials from Japan, which is pressing for the ban on commercial whaling to be lifted, said during the third day of the meeting in Santiago that their research has shown that whales are healthy and abundant. They said that when they slashed open the chest cavity the whales possesed healthy hearts and each carried an abundant amount of edible flesh ripe for the taking and destined for restaurants across Japan.

Researchers at Japan's Institute of Cetacean Research say they have discovered interesting information on the sexual maturation of whale species which they said could not have been obtained in any other way. For example, they have found that male whales that have reached sexual maturation have tastier testicles.

Pope, Nazis and WYD08

With only weeks to go until this years World Youth Day 2008 hosted in Sydney, Australia, News Free News decided to catch up with His Papalness to cut the fat on WYD08 and those reports on his past.

So we asked, what right does the richest organisation in the world have in asking the taxpayers of a far away country to fork out in excess of one hundred and forty million dollars to host the event.

"It is God's will", stated Benedict XVI. Not satisfied with the textbook Papal response we drilled further...."well it's quite simple you see," Benedict explained,"we followed the United States model whereby we work to convince your Prime Minister that everything he does, and everything he says is the work of God and that he weilds ultimate power to command over who ever he likes for as long as he likes, or perhaps invade any country he likes and it will all be in the name of God. Then he feels obligated to repay the Catholic Church by paying for us to come and overrun the country with underaged fanatics for a while...even if it costs the taxpayer..."

We then asked his response into claims that World Youth Day was nothing more than an excuse for upper class religious nutters to pack off their pesky kids for while so that they could have a week of swinger parties around the pool side without the risk of the kids finding out." To this the Pope just showed a slight smirk.

Finally, we put to His Popal Almighty Highnessness recent revelations of his involvement with the Hitler Youth and whether they had had an affect on his term as Pope so far to which he replied, "What...that old thing...no...sure I might have spent most of my adolescent years helping to round up Jews, homosexuals, Russians and anyone else that Hitler opposed and loading them in to trains that saw them sent off to their imminent deaths but I still went to confessional every Sunday so in the eyes of God and the Catholic Church I ahve done no wrong...in fact I would do it all again tomorrow because I know my God will forgive me!".