Japan insists scientific whaling produces results

Japan has defended its practice of 'scientific' whale hunting at the annual International Whaling Commission (IWC) meeting in Chile, insisting it had yielded important scientific results.

Officials from Japan, which is pressing for the ban on commercial whaling to be lifted, said during the third day of the meeting in Santiago that their research has shown that whales are healthy and abundant. They said that when they slashed open the chest cavity the whales possesed healthy hearts and each carried an abundant amount of edible flesh ripe for the taking and destined for restaurants across Japan.

Researchers at Japan's Institute of Cetacean Research say they have discovered interesting information on the sexual maturation of whale species which they said could not have been obtained in any other way. For example, they have found that male whales that have reached sexual maturation have tastier testicles.

Pope, Nazis and WYD08

With only weeks to go until this years World Youth Day 2008 hosted in Sydney, Australia, News Free News decided to catch up with His Papalness to cut the fat on WYD08 and those reports on his past.

So we asked, what right does the richest organisation in the world have in asking the taxpayers of a far away country to fork out in excess of one hundred and forty million dollars to host the event.

"It is God's will", stated Benedict XVI. Not satisfied with the textbook Papal response we drilled further...."well it's quite simple you see," Benedict explained,"we followed the United States model whereby we work to convince your Prime Minister that everything he does, and everything he says is the work of God and that he weilds ultimate power to command over who ever he likes for as long as he likes, or perhaps invade any country he likes and it will all be in the name of God. Then he feels obligated to repay the Catholic Church by paying for us to come and overrun the country with underaged fanatics for a while...even if it costs the taxpayer..."

We then asked his response into claims that World Youth Day was nothing more than an excuse for upper class religious nutters to pack off their pesky kids for while so that they could have a week of swinger parties around the pool side without the risk of the kids finding out." To this the Pope just showed a slight smirk.

Finally, we put to His Popal Almighty Highnessness recent revelations of his involvement with the Hitler Youth and whether they had had an affect on his term as Pope so far to which he replied, "What...that old thing...no...sure I might have spent most of my adolescent years helping to round up Jews, homosexuals, Russians and anyone else that Hitler opposed and loading them in to trains that saw them sent off to their imminent deaths but I still went to confessional every Sunday so in the eyes of God and the Catholic Church I ahve done no wrong...in fact I would do it all again tomorrow because I know my God will forgive me!".