Afghanistan drug trade hits $4 billion a year

AFGHAN opium poppy cultivation grew 17% last year, according to the 2008 World Drug Report, released by the United Nations.

The opium trade has soared since the 2001 overthrow of the Taliban, which had eradicated almost all of the country's opium poppies. The proceeds from the illicit trade which was planted in the '70s by the CIA to help finance the Taliban's fight against Russian invasion is now helping finance a resurgent Taliban's fight against US invasion.

CIA Director General Michael Hayden said in a statement today " how were we to know that if we gave one of the worlds poorest nations a means to make heaps of money that they would actually use it to make heaps of money."

Supreme Court Rules American Citizens Have Right to Own Guns

On Thursday, the United States Supreme Court issued a historic ruling on the right of Americans to own guns. The nation's highest court ruled that the United States Constitution protects the rights of individuals to own handguns for self-defense in their homes. Five justices supported the decision. Four opposed it.

President George W Bush said he welcomes the decision stating " we have a saying in Texas, who needs a edumacation and readin stuff when you can have a gun!"

Experts predict the move will lead to an increase in gun related crime, drugs, car jackings and even more hip hop and rap artists.

Critics claim there is an alternate motive for the new ruling claiming that a mix of guns and the worlds stupidest nation can only help to increase the country's average IQ.

Thirty false killer whales beached in Thailand

Thirty false killer whales swam ashore on a beach near the Thai resort isle of Phuket, but local residents and hotel staff saved all but one of them, a marine official said.

Residents and hotel staff rushed out to carry them back into the rough seas, he said.

Scientists were not sure why the whales swam themselves ashore.

In other news today, Japanese scientists claim to be close to solving the riddle of why false killer whales have a tendency to beach themselves after managing to harpoon 29 more specimens off the coast of Thailand today.

Pigeons smuggle drugs, phones into Rio prison

A sharp increase in drugs and mobile phones found inside a Brazilian prison mystified officials - until guards spotted some distressed pigeons struggling to stay airborne.

Inmates at the prison in Marilia, Sao Paulo state, had been training carrier pigeons to smuggle in goods using cell phone sized pouches on their backs, a low-tech but ingenious way of skipping the high-tech security that visitors faced.

The ingenious plan was finally foiled when a number visitors to the prison, after being subjected to cavity searches were found to be concealing several carrier pigeons up their asses.

Software tycoon opens the gates to a life of philanthropy

He was the nerd who exacted the ultimate revenge, building the biggest fortune in history and on the way changing the world.

Now Bill Gates has handed over control of computing giant Microsoft to devote the rest of his life to giving his money away.

Mr Gates spent three decades amassing the biggest fortune in business history. His personal wealth of $58 billion is enough to give about $10 to every man, woman and child on the planet.

Mr Gates has said that each dollar he gives away will come with a unique product key that you will need need to register before it can be spent, and that you will only be able to spend the money on Microsoft compatible products.

Pirated copies of his money are already available for download from various BitTorrent websites.

N Korea set to blow up nuke plant on TV

Secretive North Korea is preparing a global TV spectacular to dramatise its commitment to scrapping nuclear weapons, as world powers gave a wary welcome to its disclosure of some atomic secrets.

The communist state is set to blow up the cooling tower at the plutonium-producing Yongbyon complex - the most visible symbol of a decades-old pursuit of nuclear bombs.

In an effort to win over western TV audiences North Korean officials plan to stuff the cooling tower with B grade celebrities who will be set challenges to escape the impending explosion. The show will be call "I'm a celebrity, get me out of this North Korean nuclear plant before they blow the crap out of it."

Viewers will have the opportunity to vote to have their least favourite celebrities stay in the cooling tower.

Uruguay claims natural gas discovery

Uruguay says it has discovered a large natural gas field off its Atlantic coast that could potentially transform the country from an importer to an exporter of the fuel.

The announcement of the possible find was made by President Tabare Vazquez on his official website.

An announcement on the official website of US President George W Bush followed shortly after stating that Uruguay is now part of the US's 'Axis of Evil', is harbouring terrorists and will be invaded by US and allied troops within 48 hours.

Bush welcomes N Korea nuclear move

US President George W Bush has warily welcomed North Korea's nuclear accounting, easing trade sanctions and moving to take the "axis of evil" nation off a US terrorism blacklist.

Following North Koreas provision of a partial accounting of it's nuclear activities to China a North Korean spokesperson said " our ultimate goal remains clear: A stable and peaceful Korean Peninsula, where people are free from oppression, free from hunger and disease and free from nuclear weapons,"

US President George W Bush, talking at a press conference on the front lawn of the White House said, "I'm please to see North Korea step up to the steps to step over that which needs to be stepped, this move will allow a lifting of sanctions pathing the way for organisations such as the International Monetary Fund and World Bank to move in and loan tonnes of money tied to ridiculous conditions and interest rates which will surely result in a destabalized and chaotic Korean Peninsula, where the people suffer further oppression, immense hunger and disease and a prolifferation of US made nuclear weapons."